Bagels

In the TV series The West Wing, the White House Senior staffers won't say the word "recession" in the White House, because it's a "bad word" -- very taboo. They use the word "bagel" as a code word instead.

A few weeks ago, Ben and I worked out a "code word" for when I've just had enough and need him to take care of Julie because I need a break. The word is "bagel." I can just say it Ben at any time, and he'll take her, no questions asked, no being too busy.

Yesterday was a Bagel Day. It was the first one since we worked out the code word. Twice during the afternoon I set Julie down and walked away for five minutes or so, letting her scream and scream. I just couldn't take it anymore. She was needing constant holding, constant attention, and even when I was holding her, rocking her, trying to feed her, she was still fussy. I sent Ben an email midday saying "Bagel. She's so yours when you get home."

Of course, by then she was a complete angel. She was taking a nap by the time he got home from work, and when she woke up, she was pleasant. She played with Ben for awhile, we gave her a bath, I fed her, and she went to bed.

I was relieved that the day was over (or at least the part involving her). I went to bed at 10:30, which was earlier than I have been going to bed lately. I was going to catch up on sleep, since I've been having a really hard time getting going in the mornings this week. At 10:40, I started hearing kids down in the street yelling to each other (my windows were open). I was really annoyed, but I fell asleep about five minutes later. At 11:05, Julie woke me up ready to eat again. I hadn't expected her to wake up until between 12:00 and 1:00. So I growled and got up to feed her. I fed her on one side, then set her on the changing table to change her diaper and keep her awake enough to take the other breast. While changing her diaper, she managed to squirt poop all over my hand not once, not twice, but three times. Simultaneously, she was throwing up (not a lot, but still). I couldn't wipe it off of her face because I was busy being covered in poop. I finally got her little bottom (and my hands) cleaned up, got a fresh diaper on her, and sat down to feed her on the other side. She wasn't really latching on. After about a minute, she proceeded to throw up all over my breast and belly.

That was the last straw. I just started crying. I was sitting in bed, with her in my lap, and I just started crying. Ben woke up, which I felt bad about, but only sort-of. I let her sit for a minute to see if she was done, then I finished feeding her, put her back to bed, and went to clean myself up (yet again) and change the sheet on the dressing table.

She's doing better so far today. Check that, she just woke up crying from her nap. Gotta go.